I was chatting with a friend yesterday and we were talking about the thngs that transpired for the last 6 months in our lives. It's so easy to sum it up in 5-10mins of talk but in the bigger scope of life time hasnt really healed anything yet. All the feelings were just kept inside me and are not forgotten. I can live day by day being happy with simple things but somewhere down the line a part of me still is sad and is hurting. I find it ironic how people can make fun of the saddest situation in their lives. Maybe we all get tired of crying over certain issues and we permit things to be as it is. But in the middle of my storytelling my friend said.."you dont deserve that". I tried holding it back but to actually hear someone say that I deserve better than what I am getting hurts 10x more. That moment I realized that I am handling every single infraction very well by trying for things to be alright but that single moment I dont wanna be okay anymore. So, I burst into tears.
I was even surprised cos i thought my tears were all dried up. They werent ..they were just put on hold. Piling up ready to flood and run down into my face. I cried and it felt better knowing that someone knew exactly how I feel. There's a long way to go..and we are just even barely starting. I think my heart is so beat up and my mind has been in the level where it doesnt wanna think anymore and let things to happen as it happen. I even find it funny to write about this now since things are going very well as of now. But i think feelings cannot just be set aside and covered up by a recent happy feeling. Bad feelings leave a deep mark in our being and only time would dictate if we are feeling any better already.As i write this I am teary eyed.. but i definitely feel more okay that knowing somebody out there cares for me and what Im going through. =)
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